I don’t hate men. I quite like them really. And it’s not my intention to turn my blog into a constant man-hating rant. But the men responsible for the Maxim Hot 100 list should be appalled at themselves.
It’s that time of year again. The time when People reveals it’s most beautiful people in the world (a title I find a little more acceptable because they actually list accomplishments, and reasons that the person may be actually beautiful inside, fancy that!), and the time when Maxim lists its Hot 100. Gah. Drives me bananas. So I wake up, a few weeks ago, to some Twitter apocalypse where Miley Cyrus, the baby that was in those Hannah Montana movies I like so well (Hoedown Throwdown ladies!), is Maxim’s hottest woman?! Look, I think she’s great, but this sort of sick feeling starting to bubble up. And I nearly wrote one of my famous letters-to-the-editor right then and there. But I knew it’d fall on deaf ears. So fans of my prodigious musings, I give you:
Reasons Why Those Fools Down at Maxim Need a Slap.
1. We (women) are not cows. This is not a country fair. Therefore, scan the room, and have several seats, because ranking women is so pre-voting rights. Boys do that in middle school. We’re adults. We don’t do that any more. It’s gross.
2. Miley Cyrus is 20. She is a child. I am 25 and I recognize this. And putting that poor girl in a bikini for a bunch of pervs to ogle is just wrong. Would you like people to look at your 20-year-old that way? No? Then Why would you do this? Billy Rae can’t make her do anything he says anymore cause she’s an adult, but you don’t have to go putting kids in your mag looking like that.
3. The lack of color is blinding. From the quick, nauseated scan I did of the 100, I saw like 4 black women on the list. You’re trying to tell me that black women aren’t pretty? Actually, I’m fairly certain that’s exactly what you want the world to think. And it’s not just black women that are underrepresented. Can we get some Latinas, some Asians, some color up on that list? (Seriously, that’s why I stopped watching the Bachelor/Bachelorette years ago. When “Flava of Love” is the best thing that folks have in their minds to represent women and men of color dating? We’ve got a serious prob, Bob.)
4. If you insist on listing, or ranking women, can you at least do it for their achievements? I’ll admit that I liked Hannah Montana as much as the next girl. But Michelle Obama is a lawyer, mother of 2, gardens, and has arms like a goddess. Shakira is a mother, an international superstar and a humanitarian. Angelina Jolie has a million kids and is speaking on behalf of those women who don’t have a voice (kudos on your latest, hon). Oprah has paved the way for the next black female billionaire. Doesn’t that count for something?
Rant. Over. ::drops mic::