The finances #weddingwednesday

I started this last Wednesday when I previewed the March of the Brides with Diamonds Direct Crabtree, and I’m keeping it going!!!  I’m essatly 149 days away from the big day (eep) and it’s time to get serious.  I think I officially got serious last week when I kind of looked at the official wedding countdown and realized that no, we weren’t throwing a Superbowl Party, but that we were throwing a wedding.

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Anyhoo, let’s move along to talk about something that’s not so fun.  And something that I probably need your help with.

The finances. 

So regardless of how you guys choose to do the money after you get married, whether you smoosh it all together, or keep it completely separate, there’s going to be some merging because you probably want to be on the same cell phone plan.  You might want to have both names on the deed when you buy a house.  You might want to buy an SUV together.  You get what I’m saying.  And then the issues of who makes how much will arise, and if you’re like me, you’ve talked about it already.

I am a social worker by day, and Austin is an engineer.  Social workers generally do not make a lot of money, and engineers make a little more.  And though Austin has never in the least made me feel this way, I fear, in the tiniest spot, hidden in the darkest corner of my brain, that because I make so little and he makes a good bit more, that I’m considered the “dead weight” in the relationship.

I know with my brain that it’s a silly thing to think, but sometimes, usually when I’m feeling self-conscious about other things, my self-consciousness about money will creep back in, and I feel the feverish need to find some crazy job, completely unrelated to my field that will make me lots of money so that financially, Austin and I will stand on equal footing.

I know that’s crazy.

But does any one else ever feel this way?  How do I push these nasty feelings away and focus on my skills, rather than my self-perceived shortcomings?

Wedding Wednesday

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12 thoughts on “The finances #weddingwednesday

  1. Are you guys Christians? If you are, then the biblical marriage is to join two people to become one. That means for richer or poorer, you are one. No thought of who is more valuable in the relationship. You’re ONE. He might bring more $ but you bring something special to his life that can’t be quantified, that’s why he proposed. And you already know that, that’s why you accepted his proposal. Just relax and enjoy it. Someday you might be rich but if you’re not, he’ll love you anyway,

    1. We definitely believe that we’re gonna be sharing everything once we make this union official, it’s just hard to look at something like money or finances, which is more tangible, and compare it to an awesome and valuable skill set, like blogging and taking care of things other than finances. But I HAVE to start looking at it that way!

  2. Although I am not a blogger, I found you through the link-up! I am sort of in a similar situation and I know those feelings all too well. I am finally wrapping up my undergrad degree and part of that is completing a full-time internship, and for me that means unpaid. My fiance works SO hard and I am lucky enough that he doesn’t mind being the breadwinner for us. At times I feel bad but then other times I know that we don’t have any other choice and we’re doing what we have to do. It sounds like you too have a supportive fiance and you are doing what you can to contribute. You worked hard to get to where you are even if you aren’t making as much as he does, don’t forget that!

    1. Thanks for the kind words! You’re right, Austin is very supportive, and I need to remember that! I’m so glad you find me, btws, and I truly hope you stay and keep reading! Blogger or not, I love comments!

  3. Ahh yes. Finances. We decided early on (after we were engaged) that we would join finances. We have 1 joint account and we are starting to think about using part of our paychecks to go into separate accounts that we can use however we want. It’s hard though.

    I think Jeremy (who was working an hourly job at the time + commission) appreciated that we joined accounts. I stopped having to ask him for monthly money and he stopped feeling like I was his land lady. It will work out either way. You just have to get those feelings out of your head. You have to know and believe that he doesn’t feel you are “dead weight” and you contribute equally.

  4. Right now, it is the opposite for my husband and I (I make the majority of the $). He feels the same way you do but I always tell him that it doesn’t matter because he is getting a lot of knowledge and experience at his current job in order to get to where he wants to be. On top of that, he loves what he’s doing and it doesn’t get better than that. You just need to remember that even if you don’t contribute as much monetarily as you’d like to you contribute in a lot of other (more important) ways and he loves you for that!

  5. The dead weight. YES. That is precisely how I feel a lot of the time. I have a college degree same as my husband, but I’m an assistant and he is a software engineer, finance prodigy and all around Wall Street rock star, and he makes about 6 times what I do, and he pays all of the bills (because we live in a house with a movie theater inside and just the electric bill in there would wipe out my spending money for the month). It’s hard. I offered 10 times to sign a prenup to protect his very sizable assets. Well, more to protect his peace of mind. You don’t want to be in a situation where you feel you are the only one with something to lose. But he declined every time. It still does tug at you, though.

  6. I am worried about this, but I know whatever happens in my marriage will be ok. I am leaving a career with the Active Duty Military, to become a reservist-to start a family. We want for me to stay home, and it is feasible, but it will be different. From working 80+ hours a week, to deployments to being a wife/mother. Definitely different-but ready!

    1. I love this! The more and more that I write, I discover that eventually, I’d like to take a leap and blog FT, and work from home so that I can care for the home and the pets. SO glad you commented, keep reading!

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