So, in addition to having a horribly irritable stomach, which I’ve shared with you time and again, some may say that I’m a picky eater.
I don’t consider myself a picky eater, especially since I eat a wide variety of weirdly healthy things, but since I was a kid, there are some foods I find absolutely reprehensible, and today, I share these foods with you.
There is literally NOTHING that I find okay with cauliflower. For one, it is a strange color, and for another thing, it looks exactly like the wart on the back of my hand after the dermatologist tried to burn it off. Why would I want to eat that? Fun fact: the only thing fun about cauliflower is nothing.
The green, less-disgusting (but still disgusting) cousin to cauliflower, I hate this more than you could ever know. The absolute worst way that it’s cooked, is when you’re at a cafeteria-type place, and they cook it by simply boiling it until it’s so floppy that you can’y even get it to stand up straight on your fork. ADDITIONALLY, when you eat it, it completely tears your stomach into 16 pieces. No thanks. The only way broccoli is delicious? No way.
3. Mealy tomatoes.
The only time I ever feel like no one cares about me is when I’m eating a salad, there’re tomatoes on it, and the tomatoes are mealy. It sorta tastes like someone sat on the tomato and then left it out for a day or so before chopping it up and putting in on your salad.
2. The gourds.
Now I don’t mind any of the gourds in a bread. And pumpkin, zucchini, or squash do just fine when you just throw them in a crockpot, and by the time all is said and done everything in there is the same texture. But when the gourds are only slightly sauteed, and their mushy gushy seeds kind of just hang off of your fork? Consider my entire meal ruined.
I cannot stress to you enough how badly my life is ruined once a mushroom is introduced into the mix of anything I’m eating. You know what mushrooms taste like? Exactly what they look like. Which is a grey blob from deep in the pits of hell. The worst part is, that since I’m a vegetarian, everyone assumes I must love mushrooms, and they punish me by offering me a giant mushroom on a hamburger bun. Literally that portabello mushroom sandwich you just offered me? Just cost you our friendship.
>>I wanna give a shoutout to yellow mustard and to effing pickles even when you didn’t want pickles or mustard on your sandwich for ruining every sandwich the two come in contact with.
>>Another extra special shoutout goes to fruit in my chococlate, without which none of this would have been possible.
>>And finally, I want to thank citrus flavored desserts for making dessert taste like the 409 that you’d use to clean your stove. Sick me out.
Come on, let’s hear ’em! Comment with the list of foods you hate. 🙂