As we get closer to the wedding day (by the time you’re reading this, you will be 64 days and some hours from the big day) things get crazy.
Every day, I find myself working on some other project. I am really enjoying it, and I have yet to feel sheer panic. I know it could happen, I mean I know myself pretty well, but so far my attitude has been pretty good about the whole thing. Since we’ve gotten engaged, my grandmother passed, I threw up during a marathon, my parents moved houses, my little brother graduated high school, my dress is still not here, and my groom’s band doesn’t fit, but all in all, I’d say I’m taking things in stride.
So yesterday, Offbeat Bride published this article entitled, “Why my wedding isn’t about me, and never was”. You can read it here.
I never felt like my wedding was about me. I never felt like that bride for whom the earth would stand still. An episode of bridezillas was not in my future. But I like things the way that I like them, and that’s the way I felt they should be. The day was mine and Austin’s – I viewed it as a party that we were the hosts of, and we were inviting special friends and family of ours to attend.
So imagine my surprise when my mother began taking some control of the situation.
It started hours after we were engaged, when she asked me if we had a date yet. Of course we didn’t, we’d been engaged for like 3 hours at that point!
And through the next couple of months, there was a really awkward push and pull. My mother would kind of state, as fact, the friends who she wanted to come. Friends of my mother’s reached out to me to inquire about the status of their invitation. Friends that I didn’t know well or care for really. My mother complained endlessly about the venue, and told me that she thought about refusing to come if I had the wedding at that venue.
And it blew my mind.
My mother really and truly believed the wedding was for her. I felt differently.
So I reached out to some folks on a bridal forum who confirmed to me that there was a HUGE difference between our generation and my parents’ generation. For my parents, the wedding truly was about showing off for the friends of the parents. It wasn’t about the couple. And it certainly wasn’t about the bride.
And somewhere, for me, there was a shift. No, I wasn’t going to let friends and family push me around about what they wanted for OUR nuptials, but I also wasn’t going to be a huge bitch about refusing people’s advice. It still continues to baffle me that perfect strangers and distant relatives would be so rude as to make demands or pushy suggestions on our day, or that a distant relative would send me rude emails regarding the big day, but instead of getting myself baffled and angry, I’ve been choosing to do what the Haitians say, eat the proverbial chicken, and spit out the bones. When the advice is really stupid, I just pretend like I think it’s great, or I just politely state that I will ask for help when I need it. When it’s great, I take it.
And God BLESS those friends, two in particular, who have stepped up and been an incredible source of help and advice as we go through this process.
Brides, how is your planning going?