Tonight is one of the first times I’ve truly felt like a mom.
It’s weird to say, because now I know, that even though in the past I doubted my maternal instinct, that it was always in there. Very soon after Baby Liam made his debut, I felt right. Sore and swollen, but right.
Tonight, I took a nap with Liam. Austin was working from home in the afternoon, and went on dad duty while I snuck in a quick workout at the Y. The run felt good, but I was a preoccupied with making sure everyone got out the door in the morning. I ran by the grocery, and picked up some bread, some oatmeal, and some beer. When I walked in, Liam turned his head to see me. He was getting hungry, and he wasn’t particularly happy about it. I dropped everything, wrestled myself out of my sports bra, and sat to nurse him while Austin reheated some dinner I’d made the night before, while simulataneous throwing more veggies on for my dinner. I ate the veggies with one hand while I snuggled Liam in the crook of the other. Austin started a bath while I started tummy time on my yoga mat. Liam spit up all over the yoga mat. Tummy time was not our favorite portion this evening. Or really any evening for that matter. Liam ate again, and promptly fell asleep. We ditched the idea of the evening bath, prayed for forgiveness from the water gods, and drained the now-cold water from the tub. I fished the last few wipes from the bottom of the plastic container, and instead of a bath, it was a bird bath kind of night. Austin cooed at Liam while we did a little baby massage, and wrangled him into a contraption that seems to have helped him sleep a little more soundly throughout the night. He ate again (little man is growing), and fell asleep. This time, it was actually bedtime, and the night felt like it was just beginning. I collected diapers that were too-small to ship to a friend. I put diapers, clean clothes, and wipes in the baby bag. I washed bottles and parts to the pump, only to sit down a short time later and milk them up again. I washed some clothes that had been spit-up on. I charged my iPad, since I will camp in the pump room at work a few times tomorrow. Today was a big spit-up day. I packed my breakfast, some higher-fiber oatmeal. Because fiber is the jam. I balanced my lunch. Lots of green things to a bit of pasta. I brewed some tea while stuffing my manual pump into a ziplock with some paper towels. And I tossed the tea back before jumping into the shower and falling into bed.
I feel like I’ve lived 89 lives. I feel like a mom?